a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
