laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
