Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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