She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
