i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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