Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
