Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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