Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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