Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
