Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
