Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
