I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
