I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
