thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
