so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
