so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
