Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
