sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
