why didn't you poke me back
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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