I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
