you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
