her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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