i jhust puked up my retainher.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
