So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
