I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
