Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
