dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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