I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
