I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
