the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
