How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
