I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
