you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
