Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
