i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
stop calling my apartment porn island.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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