Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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