Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
