jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
