I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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