I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
