I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
