so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
