yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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