he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
3 2 1 whiskey
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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