should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
