MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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