yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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