now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
