I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
