He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have fence marks all over my body
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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