Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
