i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
